Mother’s Day & Mother’s Way

When afforded the opportunity to deliver my first Mother’s Day sermon in the United States, I was advised by the host pastor to be sensitive to women in the congregation who were unable to have children. I was told that some women avoid attending Mother’s Day services because at such services they are faced with the pain of infertility.

In one’s display of sensitivity to infertility, one must not create another kind of pain of ignoring the noble role played by mothers. It was this nobility that inspired Anna Jarvis to observe the first American celebration of Mother’s Day in 1908.

Some persons felt that Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen was challenging the nobility of motherhood when she referred derogatorily to Ann Romney as uninformed because she “never worked a day in her life.” Rosen knew that Romney was a stay-at-home mom who took care of five boys. Because Ann Romney is the wife of the Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, Rosen’s analysis caused a political firestorm.

The reference to Ann Romney backfired on Rosen and resulted in an apology. It also generated much commentary on the value of motherhood, especially among stay-at-home moms.

Each year, Salary.com asks thousands of stay-at-home moms to complete a detailed survey about how they spend their days managing a household and raising children. The popular website dedicated to salary compensation issues then puts a price tag on mothering chores. This year’s study says the average stay-at-home mom’s compen-sation would total $112,962.00 for the year.

Appreciating the role and worth of mothering has changed dramatically over the years. Several years ago it was economically necessary for women to have many children. For instance, women in slavery were considered valuable because of their abilities to produce more slaves, which ensured the master’s profits.

That backdrop has caused some women to view having children as a hindrance from reaching their full potential. Today, many women do not want to be obstructed from competing in the corporate world. In order to accomplish this they prefer to have control of their ability to reproduce. Some want the privilege to be sexually active, without the responsibility and challenges that accompany such activities. Somewhere along the line we seem to believe that having children must be solely at the mother’s discretion. The context of a caring marital environment seems to be a diminishing option in society.

Government health officials are telling us that out-of-wedlock births in the United States have climbed to an all-time high, accounting for almost four in ten babies. The overall rise reflects the burgeoning number of people who are putting off marriage or living together without getting married. Statistics confirm that out-of-wedlock births have been rising since the late 1990’s. Women in their thirties and forties are listening to their biological clocks and are choosing to give birth, despite their single status. But is this situation best for the children that come from this out-of-wedlock trend?

Social scientists are telling us that babies are totally helpless without the nurture and protection of parents or other adult humans. A child is dependent on adults at least until sexual maturity and until the child has acquired a minimal number of social and technical skills. In essence, children function best when offered balanced nurturing by male and female parents.

Much of the value mothers and fathers bring to their children is due to the fact that mothers and fathers are different. By cooperating together and complementing each other in their differences, a mother and father team provides things that same-sex caregivers cannot.

The fathering difference is explained by Dr. Kyle Pruett of Yale Medical School in his book Fatherneed:Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child (pp. 17-34). Pruett explains that dads matter simply because “fathers do not mother.” Mothers and fathers parent differently, and this difference provides important diversity in experiences for children. Dr. Pruett explains that fathers have a distinct style of communication and interaction with children. By eight weeks, infants can tell the difference between a male or female interacting with them.

 

 

I see that difference often as I observe my children interact with their children. Whereas fathers want to tickle and wrestle, mothers want to comfort and cuddle. Glen Stanton is correct, “children need a mother and father, and to intentionally deny them of either is cruel” (Marriage on Trial – p.120).

At this season, we salute all mothers, especially those who intentionally provide a balanced context for the development of their children.