A MOTHER'S INFLUENCE

I am the fifth of six children. In addition, I am the fourth of four boys. Based on ranking among my siblings, I did not qualify to be Mama’s pet. I was one of the children. And that was okay, because mother was fair. From my perspective, she showed no partiality.

Her fair and balanced leadership was evident in the care she provided. I was raised in a one-pot family. We all ate what was provided from mother’s kitchen. We never went to school hungry. We knew nothing about wearing soiled clothing. My khaki pants were starched and well-ironed. She never worked away from home. Her full time job was to care for us and my hard working dad.

Dad was a committed blacksmith and Mom managed the home. Although a disciplinarian in her own rights, you knew you were in big trouble when she said, “you wait until your Dad gets home”. He was the senior leader at our local church, and she was his able supporter. He was literally strict and inflexible. He would probably prefer to describe himself as consistent and reliable. To lead six Caribbean children in the mid-twentieth century required less rigidity and more diplomacy. Mom provided that.

She displayed that diplomacy when one of my brothers left home. Dad gave him an ultimatum and he chose to leave. Dad never expected him to take that option, but he did. The tension in the home was very obvious – Dad’s authority was challenged. Dad realized if my brother were to return, he would need to soften his stance – but that seemed unlikely. Diplomacy was necessary, and mother stepped-in. In Dad’s absence, she began her search for her prodigal son. She pleaded with him to return home. However, before he attempted to return, she negotiated with my Dad. My brother returned, and according to Dad, “it was because of your Mother”.

From my perspective as a teenager, Mom was the champion. She possessed the negotiating skills to pull together two prodigals – one who left home and the other who left his compassion. I could only observe that event, because Mom never shared any negative opinions about Dad with her children. We were always encouraged to respect Dad. She was his faithful supporter and strong manager in his absence.

At Mom’s 100^th Birthday celebration, accolades came from numerous quarters. My wife did a monologue of Mom’s life. Launa sat like Mom with the 100 family members and guests drinking-in every word. She imitated Mom’s Trinidad accent and described how she interacted with each of her six children. Mom laughed her head off, expressing surprise at how accurately her Jamaican daughter-in-law depicted her life.

My mother and Launa had an amazing relationship. That seemed inevitable, in that it was Mom’s influence that affected my choice of a life companion. Unconsciously, I found someone who displayed Mom’s godly traits. Someone who understood and valued family loyalty. Someone who disliked small-talk and gossip. For almost forty years, Mom and Launa related to each other as Mother and daughter. On many occasions Launa challenged my insensitive male ego and reminded me to nurture my mother.

Shortly after celebrating her 102^nd birthday, Mom left us with her memories. Among those memories were her meetings with Launa’s mother. Although old enough to be Launa’s mother, Mom never assumed that posture. They related to each other as sisters. Their meetings were always cordial and respectful. Launa’s mother often was the center of attraction at family gatherings. She brought youth, skill and much humor. My mother relished those moments. She also grieved with us when Launa’s mother left us five years before Mom did.

Like my mother, Launa reminds me to be more frugal. Whereas Launa worked in banking, I never saw my mother go into a bank. Dad entrusted Mom with funds, especially when he was building our first family home. Mom demonstrated banking skills she never learned in a classroom. I can recall hearing my Dad tell the story of needing to pay workmen on the building site. That weekend he did not have enough funds for the no-mortgage project. He shared his plight with Mom. To his surprise, she produced a pan in which she had been saving funds he gave her for managing the home. She had just enough to avoid a work stoppage on the site of construction. That kind of frugality Launa continues to display – without a pan from under the bed.

Agreed, my mother is not around to celebrate Mother’s Day 2024 with me. That’s okay, she has left me with enough memories. Her legacy continues through another Mother – the mother of our three adult children. A mother who understands sacrifice and self-less nurturing. A mother who interjects flexibility when my sternness is not working.

Years ago, I was of the opinion that becoming a mother allowed my wife to maximize her potential as a woman. Then she became a grandmother. What a difference! She has gone beyond maximizing potential. As expressed in Proverbs 31:29, I can also say, “many women do noble things, but you surpass them all”.

Happy Mother’s Day to the nurturing women reading this blog. You have encouraged many, and today we rise up to salute and celebrate you and your extraordinary service.