A MOTHER'S CHOICE

 

She did not want to have children. From her assessment of evil in the world, she did not want to expose her own children to such devastation. It was the casual meeting of a friend and my own theological challenge that caused her to change her thinking.

That change of thinking captured our attention for the first three years of our marriage. It was during a routine doctor’s visit in Trinidad, my wife was diagnosed with a tumour. Surgery was scheduled, following which her gynaecologist uttered, “now go and have your babies”.

The doctor was correct. The first arrived fifteen months later, with her brother and sister joining her within the next four years. Because of the closeness of surgery in Trinidad and the succeeding pregnancies, surgery was necessary with each delivery. In summary, this mother continues to carry the physical scars of motherhood.

With time, my wife also carried economic and emotional scars. I vividly recall the invitation that was extended for her to return to commercial banking. Together we carefully weighed the pros and cons, and she chose to become a stay-at-home mom for the next twenty-two years. During that period she pursued graduate studies in Counseling. She also pursued professional certification to be able to hone her skills in Catering.  

She utilized these skills at the fourteen different places we have called home in our 49 years of marriage. She is an excellent home manager. I chuckle whenever I recall an experience when we lived in the mid-west of the United States. High school friends of our son would often call home. She was often the first to answer the phone. “Hello, good afternoon” were often her opening words. The response was often, “Is Warren at home?” “… good afternoon,” was her response. After two or three exchanges in her most formal English, the conversation ended.

Following one such exchange, our son was confronted at school about his mother’s impoliteness. Warren advised that in future they should first respond to her greeting. One friend did, and was surprised with the delightful conversation that ensued. Since that time, my wife became known as the most pleasant mother in town.

That was the pleasant mother who was shouting in support of our daughter as she swam for her high school. Most likely, the cheering fans ignored her because of her complexion. Well, this mother stopped reading her class notes and extended her lungs in support of her daughter as she took her high school to State championships.

When invited to contribute to this blog, the swimming champion replied: “If there is a word to describe Mom, it would be encourager. Thinking about each stage of my life as her daughter, she has been many things, but encourager has always been a constant. I will always cherish her words, written and spoken. They have built me up and made me who I am today.”

Her sister would say the same. Now as an entertainer, she credits her mother for planting the performing seeds. She recalls the times she spent watching The Sound of Music as a child. She viewed that VCR recording until she memorized the songs. Today she is in the Performing Arts as a musician and actress.

I thought I had seen the best of my wife as a mother. Little did I know that the best was yet to come – the grandchildren arrived. She rearranges schedules to display her skills in catering, dressmaking, theatre and counselling. So often the grandchildren have to be reminded that the man next to Grandma is G-Pops. Sometimes I feel like Grandma’s driver.

I thank God that my late mother-in-law made the right choice. After being sexually violated, she chose to carry the person I am honouring on this Mother’s Day 2022. How interesting, my wife began by not wanting children and today she is the proud mother of three adults, their spouses and grandmother to their seven rumbunctious children. It would take another blog for me to comment on the many persons my wife has mothered along the way.

Today I can identify with the writer of Proverbs 31 when he said: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all…honour her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”